Just To See You Smile v2
by Lion's Strife
Summary: A second Songfic, about Seifer doing anything to make the love of his life happy, but this one's about Rinoa instead of Squall.


Just to See You Smile

Version II (Seifer x Rinoa)

Lion's Strife

_You always had an eye for things that glittered_

_But I was far from bein' made of gold_

_I don't know how but I scraped up the money_

_I just never could quite tell you no_

I lusted after you my sixteenth summer, the first I spent in the capitol of Galbadia. I would do anything to please you, no matter what the cost. You were easily the bell of every ball and the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. I wanted nothing more than to claim you for my own, though I had no hope of winning the attention of an upper-class beauty such as yourself. I'd have to be content to just watch you from a distance. Surprisingly though, you caught me watching you and instead of looking down on me with a mocking "you can never have me" gaze, you met my eyes with a smile. From that moment we were nearly inseparable. I'm not sure what you saw in me, and I know I never deserved you, but you kept coming back for more and I loved every minute of it.

In short time I learned that you were as beautiful inside as out. You had a kind and loving heart that wanted nothing more than for everyone to be happy and live in peace. You were such the perfect angel that you pushed all your own desires aside, never wanting to ask for something lavish when others had nothing. Despite your intentions though, you are only human and you had desires of your own, things that caught your eye.

You would never ask me for anything, but I could see the desire reflecting in your soft brown eyes as we window-shopped in downtown Deling City. You'd always been one of those upper-class girls with a middle-class life. You had a mansion and got invited to all the right parties, had all the right friends, but you never had their money. Your dad was a General, of course you were well respected, but still, when their parents' backs were turned, the rich girls looked at you with contempt. Your clothes were always a little out of date, your jewelry was never as glamorous as theirs, and nothing you owned was expensive. You didn't care, for the most part, but sometimes you'd get that wistful look in your eyes. I knew what you were thinking: If only you could be like them, just a little, maybe the would accept you and get to know you, rather than just turn their noses up at you.

Still, you would never tell your father that you were jealous. You were too kind-hearted and too soft-spoken. You never wanted to hurt his feelings as a child, and as you grew older, you simply refused to talk to him. By the time I met you, you and your father hardly spoke at all. A shame really, because I know how much you cared about him and how much he cared about you. I could see it in your eyes when you thought he wasn't looking. I could hear it in the demands he made that you simply ignored. I know you didn't want to hurt him, and you avoided conversations that might cause you to slip up and admit you still needed him for something. You'd never ask him for something, it would hurt your independent pride, just like asking me would make you feel like you'd lowered yourself in my standards.

We liked to walk through the expensive districts of Deling and act like we could actually afford the ritzy, over-priced merchandise. It was our thing, like a game of mockery we played to scorn the snobby, upper-class bitches that scorned you for being only middle class and me for being a soldier.

But when we went into Renee's Diamond Emporium that afternoon, and I saw the look on your face at the sight of that little ring on your finger, the one with the diamond stone and the silver angel wings wrapped around the band, I just knew I had to get it for you. You'd never ask me, at least, not with words, you knew I was just a military kid and I didn't have the income to support a purchase like that, but I saw the pleading question written clearly on your face. How could I deny giving someone as beautiful as you anything your heart desired? After you'd parted with the pretty piece of high-priced jewelry and we made our way out of the store, I turned around and mouthed for the attendant to reserve it, I'd be back later.

I spent the rest of the summer working as much as I could, taking odd jobs wherever I could get them, just so I could buy you the ring. Even as it was I had to put down a large down payment and planned to spend the next school year paying off the rest. I spent every minute I wasn't working, with you. I couldn't get enough of you. You were intoxicating. I don't know how much I even slept that summer, but it was worth it. Any and every sacrifice I made was worth the thrill and surprise in your eyes when I handed you that little forest green velvet box. Money's no object when it comes to my princess. I'd do anything for you.

_Just like when you were leavin' Amarillo_

_Takin' that new job in Tennessee_

_And I quit mine so we could be together_

_I can't forget the way you looked at me_

Which is why, when you told your dad in early July that you were leaving, going to live somewhere that the people weren't tainted by the words of a fascist dictator, I just had to go with you. You were always an angel at heart, looking out for everyone's best interests, another reason you never got along with the selfish, stuck-up, upper-class snobs. You wanted to help the under dogs, and no place better fit to do so than Timber.

It was obvious you were convinced beyond reason that you were going there to help. It was also clear that you were scared. Your bright eyes sparkles with determination and apprehension and they silently begged me not to let you go alone, to help you in your quest for peace. Like I said, how could I deny such an innocent, honest look? How could I turn away from the look I knew I'd get when you heard me say the words "I'm coming with you"? I've never seen a girl smile all the way up to their eyes, at least not at me, and I wasn't going to let you get away when those smiles were for me.

I knew I wouldn't be able to stay in Timber for long, because no matter how much I loved you I had my own life to keep on track too. Fall classes at Garden would start at the beginning of September but until then I'd spend everyday with you.

_Just to see you smile_

_I'd do anything_

_That you wanted me to_

_And all is said and done_

_I'd never count the cost_

_It's worth all that's lost_

_Just to see you smile_

No matter what you ask, I'd do it all. I'd go to the end of the earth for an ice cream cone if that's what you wanted. It never mattered to me when, where, how much, or how long, as long as you were involved, I couldn't say "no." Most girls would have abused the hold you had over me, and would have broken the spell, but you never did. You always felt guilty when you asked me for things, and coming to me seemed to always be your last resort. You'd stare at the ground and mumble under your breath so that I could barely hear what you were saying. Then I'd tilt your chin up so that I could look into your eyes and whisper "Hey, you know I'd do anything for you, Princess, all you have to do is ask." Your eyes would light up like fireworks on Independence Day, you'd smile from ear to ear, and you throw yourself into my arms and hold me close. I lived for those moments. I still do…

_When you said time was all you really needed_

_I walked away and let you have your space_

_Cuz leavin' didn't hurt me near as badly_

_As the tears I saw rollin' down your face_

After the Ultimecia ordeal it wasn't the same. I did a lot of things to hurt you, and I'm sorry, I really and truly am. I could tell you again for the thousandth time that I didn't know what I was doing, I didn't have control, but that wouldn't change the fact that you were scared of me.

I came back to Garden about two weeks after you all had. I had no idea about you and Squall then, and no one told me. I wasn't staying, a fact I made clear from the moment I set foot back with the Academy's walls. I just wanted to come home for a few days, collect my things, say goodbye to old friends, apologize for all the things I done to everyone, and beg you to forgive me.

We talked for a long time that night. We laughed and joked about the good memories we had of our summer together, in Deling City and in Timber. As the night went on the conversation got more serious and I could tell it was as hard for you to talk about as it was for me. It was hard for me because while I hadn't had control of my mind and body, I could still see everything that I did. I watched as my own hands tormented you and my former classmates. I watched myself throw you to Adel and nearly get you killed. I have nightmares about that particular fight every night. Sometimes the battle just replays the way it was. Sometimes my mind twists the scenario. What if Squall had been less calculating than he is? More arrogant and trigger happy like me? I don't think I'd have been as careful of a party member's vitality. Not back then. I was Seifer Almasy, the unstoppable Gunblade Specialist. I'd never have thought for a second that I would have been too slow to save you. I'd have assumed one or two swipes of my blade would finish Adel off and you'd be saved. If it had been me instead of Squall, you might have died that day. That thought scares the hell out of me. I wake up panting and sweating and crying sometimes.

By the time the clock struck midnight I could tell you were nervous in my presence. You were getting tired and you were letting your guard down. All day you'd been able to lead me to believe that things were just like they'd always been but now that your body was shutting down I could see that things were not the same. You were deathly afraid of me but because of your kind heart, you were pushing yourself to give me another chance. I noticed you'd slowly edged away from me on the bench in the Quad, probably subconsciously, but you'd done it nonetheless.

I reached across and grabbed your hand, gently, but suddenly. You jumped and that's when my worry was confirmed. You were petrified. I did everything in my power to make things right. I should have known I'd already destroyed the chance I'd had to be with you.

I crawled off the bench to the floor at your feet. Still holding your hand, I enclosed it with my other hand and stared up into your eyes. I could see the barely masked fear floating beneath the surface as you fought to hide your emotion. I looked down at our hands as I spoke, watched as your hand trembled slightly within my own.

"Rinoa, please," I begged you. "Please, please, forgive me. I'm so sorry for everything that I did to you, to everyone. I never meant to hurt you.

"Ultimecia manipulated me Rin. She took my dream of being your knight and destroyed it. You were my princess, the only knight I ever wanted to be was yours, I told you that last summer.

"Please believe me, I never wanted to hurt you. It breaks my heart to know all the things I did to you, but it hurts even more to know that you're scared of me. Please Rin, try to forgive me. I didn't choose to do the things I did. I only came to Timber that day to help you, and instead I've done nothing but hurt you.

"I want to make it right now though. I want things to be the way they were last summer. I love you Rinoa Lynn Heartilly Caraway, can you find it in your heart to take me back and give me another chance? Please?"

When I looked back up at you I could see silent tears streaming down your face. Your head was bowed down and your eyes were closed as you tried to fight back the tears. I whispered that it was okay, I didn't mean to make you cry. I apologized again and again as I wiped your tears away. When you finally caught your breath you looked at me and said you weren't ready. You said you could forgive me, and you did already, but forgiving was easier than forgetting. "I know you didn't do those things, Seifer," you said, "but that doesn't mean it didn't look like you. I want things to be the way they used to be too, but when I look at you, I remember all the torture I went through. I'm really sorry that I can just forget everything that happened, but I'm just not ready. Maybe in time, I'll be able to let it all go, but right now I need to spend time away from you to let my wounds heal. I'm sorry," you whispered, looking down again.

Again I whispered that everything was okay, that I understood, and your forgiveness was all I needed for now. The hope that I might get a chance to be with you was enough to carry me through. I whispered once more that I loved you and that you'd always be my princess, but I understood if you couldn't be with me right now. I stood and kissed you softly on the forehead before releasing your hand from mine and walking away. It killed me inside to walk away from you, but no matter the pain I felt at my own loss, it was nothing compared to the pain of making you cry.

I left that night. I had originally intended to stay a week or two, but knowing you needed time away from me, I decided to give you exactly what you wanted. I went to my old dorm, packed up the few possessions I had to my name, and left.

And yesterday I knew just what you wanted 

_When you came walkin' up to me with him_

_So I told you that I was happy for you_

_And given the chance I'd lie again_

I moved to Timber after I left Garden. Being in a place that held so many memories of you should have broken me apart but I found it was easier when I had reminders of you surrounding me. I was still entertaining the idea that you'd eventually come back to me, when you were ready, and I figured the best place for us to meet up would be the place we fell in love. I knew what this town meant to you and I thought this would be the first place you'd look for me. Little did I know you weren't even thinking of me.

It wasn't until several months later, in fact it was almost a year after I left Garden for good, that you showed up in Timber. I was at the little café where we used to have lunch every now and then when I saw you walking up the street. My heart leapt with joy and I knew I still loved you as much as the day I'd fallen for you. I quickly jumped out of my seat, throwing a few random bills on the table and darted out the door.

I called your name twice before you turned to see who had recognized you. When your eyes met mine they lit up like they used to, and sparkled in the sun. You waved before turning to speak to someone who must have been just around the corner.

'A friend?' I thought. 'Probably someone for the Forest Owls.' Imagine my surprise when I realized who'd come to Timber with you. You linked your arm through his, making it unmistakably clear that you were together, as the two of you crossed the street toward me. I was in shock. I wouldn't be surprised if my mouth was hanging open and I was starring at you like you were the missing link, or Ultimecia back from Time's grave. Instead I managed to smile at you as you made your way toward me. When you reached me you released his arm to throw your arms around me and hug me close. I took what I figured would be my last chance to savor the girl I loved and I held you close and closed my eyes, breathing in the scent of your hair and your perfume before releasing you.

When you let go I knew it was time to face the music. I looked down at my shorter rival, once for the prestigious status of Garden's best Gunblade Specialist, then for your heart, and the position of your knight. I knew at that moment that I'd lost on all accounts. A part of me wanted to revert back to the feisty teenager I'd been back then and pick a fight with Puberty Boy right there in the street. But one look at you and I knew I could never do that.

I swallowed my pride and my envy and extended my hand toward the man who had won your heart. "Hey Leonhart, long time," I managed to say.

He looked shocked but quickly returned the gesture, something I chalked up to your magic. The Squall I knew would never have done something as social as shake hands.

We started talking and eventually ended up seated back inside the café, chatting over lunch. You told me all the things you'd been doing since the war and asked what I'd been up to, tactfully avoiding the most obvious subject. When I thought I could finally stomach your responses I inquired about the two of you, when you'd hooked up, how long you'd been together, how things were going. Of course it helped that Squall had gone to the bathroom and then to pay the check. You looked down at your empty plate as you replied that you'd sort of hooked up during the war, but hadn't started officially dating until a month or two after. When you got to the part where he'd proposed a couple weeks ago, your voice got so quiet I could barely hear it. I had to read your lips your words were so soft as you murmured "We're getting married next spring". I could tell you felt bad that you'd abandoned me, and it was obvious the wrong response could put you in tears and bouts of self-loathing. You were that concerned for my feelings even after all I'd put you through. You truly are a beautiful person.

I reached across the table and lifted your chin with my finger so that I could look in to your eyes. "Rinoa," I said, pausing for a moment. "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I'm happy for you. I wish you only the best." Your eyes lit up and sparkled like they used to for me and you move around the table to embrace me and kiss me on the cheek.

We spent the rest of the afternoon together, parting ways before dinner. You promised to invite me to the wedding just as soon as you got the invitations and I promised I'd try to come. Conveniently though I forgot to give you my address and next month I'm moving to Chiton, one of Esthar's smaller cities. Hopefully you won't be able to find me there, because I don't think I could handle watching you walk down the isle and say "I do" to someone else. As much as it hurts to know you're with someone else, having it confirmed might just tear me to pieces.

I guess you're not my princess any more, and I'll never be your knight. He's you're knight, and you're his angel, and it kills me to know that it's not me. But as long as your happy, and being with him make you happy, then I'd lie and tell you I was happy for the two of you a thousand times.

Just to see you smile I'd do anything 

_That you wanted me to_

_And all is said and done_

_I'd never count the cost_

_It's worth all that's lost_

_Just to see you smile_

_I'd do anything_

_That you wanted me to_

_And all is said and done_

_I'd never count the cost_

_It's worth all that's lost_

_Just to see you smile_


End file.
